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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Humphrey Bogart

 

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!
Tommy Cooper

 

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Josh Billings

 

Mum comes in and says `I'm working out,' and she'll just be standing there naked doing a dance.
Kelly Osbourne

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Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Samuel Butler

 

The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more.
Colleen McCullough

 

All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.
Miguel De Cervantes

 

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
Doug Larson

 

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Quotes are a great way to motivate yourself or others. When we use quotes in our dialogue or in presentations we show people that we have learned from the wisdom of others and that we believe in what we are saying. We're not just sharing our opinion, it is how other's feel as well. So keep the wisdom of the past alive and recite some hilarious quotes today.

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