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The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
Dick Cavett

Everything ends this way in France - everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, funerals, swindlings, diplomatic affairs - everything is a pretext for a good dinner.
Jean Anouilh (1910-1987) French dramatist, screenwriter


My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
Woody Allen

To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.
Berton Averre

We're different; we're the same.
Richard David Bach (1936- ) author; Jonathan Livingston Seagull,

The function of RAM is to give us guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest, most tumescent MEMORY. This is important, because with today's complex software, the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages. So the bottom line is, if you're a guy, you cannot have enough RAM.
Dave Barry

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns


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Quotes are a great way to motivate yourself or others. When we use quotes in our dialogue or in presentations we show people that we have learned from the wisdom of others and that we believe in what we are saying. We're not just sharing our opinion, it is how other's feel as well. So keep the wisdom of the past alive and recite some funny quotes today.

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